My darkest moment

I don't know how long I was there, beside Harry's lifeless body. But eventually I came to my senses and realised that soon enough somebody would come along and discover me crouching next to a corpse. It hurt to describe Harry as a corpse. Up until hours ago he'd been my boyfriend, the guy I was in love with. He was full of life and laughs, and we'd made each other happy.

I knew I couldn't confide in my father. What with the James fiasco and now this, he'd be keeping me locked in my bedroom. I could hear him now… Thea, he'd say, you seem to attract danger. And by endangering yourself, you're endangering me, your mother and the rest of our people. You must learn to be more careful. And so on.

So I had to be strong and sort this one out for myself. And that meant getting rid of the evidence. It made me sick. This was Harry. My boyfriend, someone's son, someone's grandson, someone's friend. Not just a nobody. I hadn't killed him. I took some solace in that fact. Until I realised, actually, I had. Maybe not first hand, but his involvement with me is what got him murdered by that… freak.

I knew then I'd get revenge. This guy, whoever he was, wouldn't get away with taking Harry away from me. We'd had the potential to be great together, and it had been ended before it had really started. I decided to hunt the bastard down, torture him, and then kill him. Then discard him, like he'd done to Harry. Like a meaningless piece of trash on the streets. He'd better watch his back.

But, back to the task in hand. Once more I'd been left with a body on my hands to get rid of. Why me? What had I done to anybody? I lifted Harry gently, as if protecting him. A little late for that now, I thought bitterly, I couldn't hurt him where he was now. The quickest way to hide the body would be to use the car. A little less suspect than carrying him around the streets.

I began to feel a little woozy as I placed Harry in the back seat of his car. The adrenalin that had been coursing through me was wearing off, and I remembered I hadn't fed since the previous evening. It must have been late. I normally arrived home after an evening with Harry and had plenty of time to feed before I went to bed.

I clambered into the driver's seat, despite having no idea how to operate a car, and slumped momentarily, overwhelmed by the evening's events. Then I drove. I've no idea how, it was all a total haze. My mind was starting to shut down with the lack of blood, and I went onto autopilot. I drove, and drove.

My presence of mind was jolted back to the moment when the car started to make strange noises, began shaking, and then stopped. For fuck's sake, I thought, what else can possibly go wrong?

I didn't even know where I was. I looked out of the window and I was in some alien land. There were trees dotted around the landscape, albeit few and far between. The land to the left of the road disappeared down a steep hill, and then disappeared. I knew then what to do. But there was something I had to do first. There's no way I had the strength to push that car without feeding. It just wouldn't happen. I got out of the car and sniffed the air, and listened hard for the sounds of creatures of the night. Not other vampires of course - but animals. Anything with a beating heart that I could drain of its lifeblood to renew myself. I hated myself when I became like this, so hard and driven for only one thing. It's why I didn't ever let myself become hungry. I didn't like the person I became when my mind was consumed with thoughts of feeding. I became feral, a predator, dangerous.

A quick hunt around revealed nothing. Was I to die here? Disappear into nothingness because some evil creature had taken my love from me and left me so consumed with grief and confusion that I hadn't been able to feed? I began to think perhaps it was best if I died. After all, Harry was gone. What did I have to live for?

Then, at my darkest moment, the Guardian Angel's last words came to me.

"He will not hurt anybody again."

No he fucking won't, he's dead. And you fucking killed him you bastard. You won't get away with it.

Suddenly, a laugh echoed in my head. A hallucination? I'm not sure, but it was enough to get me moving again. I knew what I had to do, and although I knew it wouldn't do much for my state of mind in the short term, I knew in the long term it would help me achieve my goal. Harry would have wanted it. We'd never discussed anything of the sort, but somehow, I knew.

I opened the car door and leant over Harry's body. He looked gorgeous even in death, his skin pearly white, his expression one of perfect calm. He looked as though he was sleeping. I drew closer, shut my eyes. I desperately didn't want to do this, but knew I had no other choice. I would join him in death if I didn't. But Harry hadn't done the things I have, seen things. There's still a chance he could go to Heaven, whereas I would definitely be going to Hell – so we wouldn't be reunited, even in the afterlife.

I did it. I sunk my teeth into the flesh I'd so frequently kissed and caressed. I knew that evil creature had drained him, but there was bound to be some sustenance left in the body, just enough to keep me going until I could find something else. I tried to shield my mind from what I was doing, but it was impossible.

Biting your own boyfriend, the voices taunted. No wonder you're lonely. You'll die lonely. Find your one true love? In your dreams. Who would want you? You're a monster.

I was. I was a monster. But I was a living monster, and I was going to avenge Harry's death. Even if it was the last thing I did. I drew back, eyes still closed and felt my way out of the car, so I avoided having to look at him. I stuck my head into the front of the car and turned the steering wheel to point to the left. I got out, shut the door, still avoiding looking into the back, went to the rear of the car, and pushed. With all my might, which still wasn't much on that small amount of the blood. But it was enough. The car went sailing down the hill, picking up speed as it went along. I heard the occasional crashing sounds as the car hit and brushed trees and rocks. I waited until I heard the final collision with the ground before I left.

It never came.